Narrowing it down

Are you a "goal" person? I sure am NOT. I've never been good at them. People ask me to create goals and I can't come up with anything better than: "work hard and do a good job." I think it relates to my difficulty with decision making, because I just can't commit to a future plan that I "want."

We can argue about the wisdom of making future plans that leave no room for God to move, but I think that my lack of goals is just as bad as having too many! God gave me passions and gifts to USE, and being effective requires some forethought.

I lay awake at night sometimes wondering why I do what I do (don't we all?) and what the future holds for me. I am a sucker for comparison and often beat myself up for not being as good as "so and so" at "such and such." I've always (since elementary school) wondered why I could be so good at so many things but not the best at ANYTHING. My journey through life has led me to realize how selfish and misguided these ideas are. Not only am I choosing to find my value in the opinions of others (and myself!), I am ignoring the incredible value I have in being a child of God, and being ME. Its like when I look at myself all I see is a bunch of little packages that don't amount to much on their own, and fail to see what an amazing package they make bundled up together (like a gift basket)! No wonder I feel too insecure about myself to actually commit to personal goals - I'm always trying to be someone else.

So. Lately I've been working on it. Stripping away the evaluating and comparisons and trying to narrow it back down to ME. What I am good at, what I like, who I am.

• I love to take photos and learn photography
• I love to create full-colour design that engages people
• I love working with type, and designing around a typeface personality
• I love the crispness of designing for the screen, but even more the crispness of a print piece gone RIGHT
• I love to DIY and craft! It refreshes me and builds me up. It seems to relate more to people than my design work, which is something not a lot of people can understand in regards to the work I've done
• I really like creating multiple pieces with a cohesive theme
• I'd love to connect with more "professional creatives" since I often seem to be on my own 
• I'd like time to create personal work - its the only way to really discover and refine "my style"

What does this amount to? Someday I'd like to be able to do it all. All at once. To have some kind of work environment that facilitates me being able to pursue and excel at these things I love! And to be confident that these things make me who I am professionally, which is a true reflection of who I am personally. Me, myself, how God made me.

How's that for a personal goal?